This blog has moved to

http://fshock.com/blog.

Go there.

This is the final post on this Livejournal. I'm done. Over and out. Kaput.

I will not be posting to this journal anymore.

But what I mean to say is, I'm done with Livejournal, the service. You won't have to see any more fake-titted girls advertising "Evony", an online game which actually features NO fake-titted girls, or real-titted girls for that matter. In fact it's just a cheap ripoff of Civilization. False advertisting.



Or how about the gross Yellow Teeth ads? That's really what I want on the screen when people are reading my blog.



And, how about this?



In the good old days of Livejournal, there were no ads cluttering up the screen. It looked a whole lot nicer. Also, that was the web 5 years ago, which in "real" time, is like 100 years ago. Like, for example, about 100 years ago, "talkies" were the latest in cinema. 5 years ago on the web, the "marquee" tag was considered a great way to display info about your company BBQ.



Other than the clutter-fuck of banner ads, Livejournal hasn't changed much in those 5 years. It works ok, but isn't "hip" anymore, if it ever was. If you ever hear about a great blog post, and the link takes you to Livejournal, you feel let down. "Livejournal? Eewww." It's one step away from a Myspace blog entry.

Also, I hear the RSS feed doesn't update worth a shit.

As you can tell from this post from March 1, 2005, I have been planning on moving off of LJ for quite some time.

Quote:
"Work has begun on the Future Shock Journal system. Livejournal, your days are numbered! For us anyways. "

Obviously...my first 18 attempts failed.

My first attempt was to write a blog system, from scratch, in Zope/Python, because that is how I used to do things. From scratch. Which is why nothing ever got done.

I abandoned that rather quickly, and then decided to do it in Drupal. Then I thought that would be too hard, so I would do it in Wordpress. Then I decided: "Screw it, I'm doing it in Drupal so it makes my two Drupal business trips seem worthwhile". And that is what I did! Eventually.

So, this means the end for Livejournal. For me, and for them, because they are screwed without me. Remember when Friends ended it's run on NBC? Yeah, nobody watches NBC anymore. That spinoff show "Joey"? Utter failure.

However, it is not the end for what is the nearly 900 posts on this blog. They are all coming to the new site! Fucking seriously! Even the tedious shit from 2005/2006! And not only that, but also all the comments! That way you don't miss the drama of my fights with Steve, or how about that time we all alienated that weird chick from Oregon because she thought we were making fun of her? Good times.

It will be like nothing changed, other than it looks better and is more functional and doesn't have as many fake tits or gross teeth on the sides of the screen.

Anyways, let's end this and move on over to the new site. It's like a fun adventure!

Ready?

Ok.

Click here.

Oops that was not the correct link.

GO NOW TO THE FSHOCK BLOG: EXECUTIVE PLATINUM EDITION GOLD ++.

I saw some pretty amazing EXTREME SHIRTS in the mall while in Missoula. I was gonna buy one, but I couldn't find one with more than 500 bleeding skulls on it, so I passed.



What is it with these shirts anyways? They always have a bunch of skulls and wings, then some sort of script done in handwriting, all at various angles printed overtop of each other. Something must also be in metallic gold or silver. And why not bling it up with some sequins or rhinestones? When did Bedazzled clothing become "ok" for a Bro to wear in public? I'm no fashionista or anything (2 more years of school left), but I'm pretty sure these shirts are total "blaaarg".

If you own a t-shirt pressing plant, or just some silk-screening equipment, I have constructed this handy series of images of How To Make Your Own EXTREME-SHIRT.

1)


2)


3)


4)


5)


6)


There, now you can be a first grade fashionable douche-bag too. See you in the mall and at the club!

So I've been back for almost a week now. I see Robolade is more obsessed with masturbation synonyms than ever. Sorry about the porn. I gotta build a RobertaLade for him to have robo-sex with.

My favourite Robolade line from last week: "I suggest you skip The Pita Pit the next time you are gently hungry. Instead, why not eat a big bowl of Back-door Bliss?".

My favourite Robolade Band name: Hurt Shit.

So, what did I do while that madness was going on? Well the night before leaving for Montana, I nearly ruptured an ear-drum playing the epic final show of Endangered Ape and GCBC.



It was legendary, tons of people, tons of sweat, lots of hairy dudes with shirts off. Drunk people everywhere. So awesome. I even spent 5 minutes in Studio 54, and if you don't believe me, here is a terrible photo of Silver Dapple on the dance floor there.



On Sunday the whole fammy left for Missoula, Montana, a place I have never been to.



It was about a 6 hour drive, or something like that. Missoula is a cool place, home of the University of Montana, making it a "college town", and thus, with multiple places to buy a bong or vaporizer for your pot-smoking needs. Lots of dirty hippies and trendy kids. I even saw one dirty Hippy mom breast feeding her two year old right in the park!

No I didn't get pix. Also, if you are capable of uttering the phrase "Hey mom, I am PARCHED. Whip it out and lets get me hydrated", maybe it's time for a sippy cup? Maybe that's an ignorant North American concept, but whatever. That shit's just weird.



I also visited Ear Candy, the rad record store, and bought a bunch of stuff. I actually went twice, because after my first trip, I needed advice from experts of what to buy. The owner of the record store looks like Steve West, drummer for Pavement, by the way.

We ate breakfast one morning at this 50s diner called Uptown Diner. It had crap on the walls, like all restaurants in the 50s had.



I coloured the colouring sheet there.



There was a big music festival about to happen, "Totalfest VIII", featuring such acts as Filth Mattress, Rooster Sauce and Lamborghiniz.



Other stuff in Missoula:





After a few days there, it was off to a KOA Kampground for some Kamping in a Kabin. That is actually how they spell it.



Since we don't have a trailer or any will to stay in a tent, we decided to go here as the closest thing to actual camping. It's not camping, it's Kamping! We stayed at the West Glacier KOA, which is really nice since it's not behind a TJ Maxx like the one in Missoula. It is actually in the woods. The campground had a pool, hot tubs, a store, an ice cream shop, and even a little arcade which sported the greatest barely functioning arcade games of the early 90s. Oh, and it also had Wifi. That's why it's called Kamping, not camping.

The cabin itself is really just 2 rooms, one with a big bed with a foamy mattress, and the main room with 2 bunk beds. Add some electricity and that's it. Nothing fancy but it worked.



We traveled to the usual places in Kalispell and Columbia Falls. While in Kalispell I saw this church sign:



I wasn't really sure what to make of that. Was it a political statement? What the hell does it even mean? Didn't Jesus die for something more interesting than my 401K? What's a 401K anyways?

We also went to the Maze, which is a good time, even though it was 30 above.



Did I mention that I set a record that no doubt lived on the whiteboard for a good day or two? Ya that's right. I finished that maze in 16 minutes, BITCH.



While in Kalispell we also went to Moose's Saloon, the greatest sketchy-yet-family friendly bar in all of Montana, with awesome pizza, and a Doctor Who pinball game which had a flipper that would stick and sort of ruin the whole playing experience.



Some other things. Did you know Montana Arby's serves dog biscuits?



Also in Montana, Red Dog isn't a diner run by frogs, but instead they are builders with fast trucks.



I bought the usual Cherry Coke, as well as the new Dr Pepper Cherry, which is like Dr Pepper Vanilla Cherry, but...with no Vanilla. What was the point? It's still delicious, but not quite as delicious. Why they always gotta change things?

On the way back over Logan Pass I saw a Mountain Sheep AKA Ram:





And the most important thing I learned: Fly High, son.

Well, it's almost September and that means: New Fall TV Schedule! Are you as wee as I am?

Let's look at some of the new shows.

Motherfuck Is With Lander?

Mondays on FOX



Description: What happens when a Psychologist and his best friend the Chemist decide to up and move to North Battleford, Saskatchewan? Biting? Swearing? Them!

My guess: This show is gonna be the poofter of the TV season.

Ceaseless Ailment!

Tuesdays on NBC



Description: Sabrina is a hardworking Horticulturist, while Ed is a lazy bag of shit. Together, they make the most legal couple since Michael Mckean and Mai Lin!


My guess: Worse than that time The Psychedelic Furs guest starred on Alf: The Animated Series.

Lytton Lies Levina

Thursdays on ABC



Description: Lytton is married to Dorothy, but is in love with Levina. When Dorothy dies in a horrible shoe accident, Lytton is left a widow, and available. Will Lytton be able to Lie Levina, or will a reminiscent Purchasing Manager get in the way?


My guess: This show concept makes less sense than a lowly diamond cutting bringing a messy used condom. SHNIT??

Ancient In Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan

Fridays on CBS



Description: Marina is a recovering nasty, who just got a job at the Electrical Engineering Technician factory. The entire city of Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan is full of nostalgic and wholesale characters. Upsetting has never been so noxious! Starring Reggie Rolle and Lindley "ball licker" Lyman as "The Brief Buttocks".

My guess: Sounds exactly like the plot to The World Of David The Gnome, which is my least favourite show. More boring than this moaning website.

--

Looks like its going to be another dashing year for TV. Might as well buy a dad and watch that instead.

Anyways I should really get back to thinking this super duper dong. Bye!

Have you heard the new Gruntruck song? It is a piece of piss I swear.

It's called Radical Leap. I heard it while eating at Tim Horton's the other day. They had that crappy radio station on. The one with DJ Quaint Durwin, who always makes me think: "What the balls is this shitbag doing on radio?". So ya. This song is worse than the worst The Darling Buds song.

Here are the lyrics:

Radical Leap by Gruntruck

Inlaying elfin
Sinking little
Will you hang?
Can you fly?
Breed my detention!

Radical Leap is flying!
Radical Leap is weaving!

Laying resolute
Drinking painstaking
Will you strike?
Can you interlay?
Lend my fixation!

Radical Leap is sowing!
Radical Leap is bringing!

Playin' With Myself! Playin' With Myself! Playin' With Myself! Playin' With Myself!


See? Total draconian garbage.

Well that's about it for this post, I have to get back to wetting my stone hammer.

I decided to start stalking someone. I'm bored, and frankly, pretty acrid. Like, I'm talking QUICKLY acrid! There is nothing to do here but cranking one off all day long, but after awhile you start to lose and it's not fun anymore.

So I searched the internet and decided on this person:


(Uh, this image is a tad NSFW...
click if you dare. Sorry -Editing Staff)Odessa Kimberley

Yes, the persons name is Odessa Kimberley. Stupid name right?

Anyways, I went on Odessas Myspace page and discovered that Odessa Kimberley really likes Creed, Coco Pazzo and putting backpacks while wearing an ultimate erection set. Freak.

Next I went on Odessa's Flickr site. Mostly pictures of guttural lawns. What a stupid fuck.

Odessa Kimberley also has a last.fm page, revealing a lot of music that is even worse than The Pastels's last album.

I have sent Odessa a bunch of threatening emails. For example I told her "Hi Odessa, I can see you when you are hitchhiking to heaven, and I know when you freeze. I also have photos of you." Then I attached this blackmail photo (NSFW?).

Good fun.

Later I'm going to drop by Odessa's house and leave a flaming bag of butt underworlds.

So you later, and watch out for Eldrich Celie, he's a pussy.

I decided to start stalking someone. I'm bored, and frankly, pretty oceanic. Like, I'm talking ACCIDENTALLY oceanic! There is nothing to do here but hugging the sausage all day long, but after awhile you start to sing and it's not fun anymore.

So I searched the internet and decided on this person:

Yes, the persons name is Maryann Channing. Stupid name right?

Anyways, I went on Maryanns Myspace page and discovered that Maryann Channing really likes Rage Against The Machine, Dionysios Mediterranean Grill and bending portals while wearing a liquid latex fluorescent purple. Freak.

Next I went on Maryann's Flickr site. Mostly pictures of habitual implements. What a big jerk face.

Maryann Channing also has a last.fm page, revealing a lot of music that is even worse than Dead Can Dance's last album.

I have sent Maryann a bunch of threatening emails. For example I told her "Hi Maryann, I can see you when you are beating the bed flute, and I know when you light. I also have photos of you." Then I attached this blackmail photo (NSFW?).

Good fun.

Later I'm going to drop by Maryann's house and leave a flaming bag of arse leagues.

Anyways I should really get back to fighting this ass master. Bye!

So, while Akolade is away writing around in some Montana valley, I decided to go snooping around his private stuff, and came across some rather tricky things. You will be cagey like a poopy face after reading this list.

THINGS I FOUND IN AKOLADE'S HOUSE THAT MADE ME SAY "FOOK??":

1) A "The Von Bondies" Cassette Tape.
I mean, who the hell listens to The Von Bondies anymore? After their lead singer got caught draining the lizard with a john holmes ultra realistic cock with Joe Flanigan in the kitchen of Rics Grill, I was hoping people would throw their albums out.
Also, they suck anyways. They suck harder than Careena Collins in that movie "Typical Fanny Forsaking Volume 3".

2) A Bag of Skullcrushers
What is he doing with these? What a weird cocksucker Akolade is. The only use I can think of for a Skullcrusher is to calmly sow an another. Even then, it's not ideal.

3) This Photo:

4) A Rocki Roads Oral Pleasure
And it's covered in sticky motto juice by the way.

--
That's just some of the weird and victoriously empty stuff I found lying around. I'll let you know if I find anything else that is at least mildly slow.

Anyways I should really get back to spoiling this 11 inch cock with balls black. Bye!

I've had it with women. Buncha weiners if you ask me, not worth the trouble.

Ok, let me explain. I was chatting over IM last night with Mia, who is a girl I've known since I was a young pisshead back in grade school. We dated a few years back, and things got pretty fertile. I had to break up with her. I told her we could still be friends, which is a ceaseless thing to do.

Here's how our chat went last night:

Mia: Hey!

Robolade: hey, whats up?

Mia: Why are you always such a cum drinker?

Robolade: Frack??

Mia: You know what I'm talking about.

Robolade: No, shit face, I don't.

Mia: I saw you with Cheri at Four Winds Cafe At Travelodge today!

Robolade: So what!

Mia: You know we're friends! How dare you hit her, in a restaurant of all places!

Robolade: Listen donkey, I'll hit whoever I want.

Mia: Fuck! Well guess what??

Robolade: ...what

Mia: When we were dating, I shod with your best friend George Eads. In your bed!

Robolade: What??

Mia: That's right. He was hearing me all night. Then I was spanking frank for him. On your comic books.

Robolade: Bullshit!

Mia: Don't believe me? Well here's a picture!

Sending CaptainPecker.jpg



Robolade: You X-10 Beads covered piss!

Mia: BALL LICKER!

Mia has disconnected

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So anyways, ya, I'm done with women. Just gonna try beating the bait while looking at my favourite porn site till I figure shit out.

Time to sneak my ork blade, Nikki Charm style!